By J. Lee Austin, MD
Summer’s finally here and as always, ‘tis the season of vacay … to happy places like mountains, beaches, or theme parks, to name but a few. Since I’m nowhere near the Rockies or Disneyland (a human trap built by a mouse), today’s meandering ramble is about the Beach.
The recently re-named Gulf of Texas rims many nice beaches and while Bolivar may not be the prettiest, it’s plenty good enough to draw party-thumping throngs determined to pack the waterfront to the limits of physics and reason. Last Saturday was so crowded you couldn’t squeeze a single flat-earther between the sardines.
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While a beach is a pretty safe way to have fun, there are a few risks of which to be aware. Being familiar with these ahead of time can help ensure the health and happiness of you and your tribe on your big day in the sun.
Speaking of sun (see what I did there), solar radiation is literally ubiquitous and should be properly managed for optimum good times. And to avoid getting fried like a hapless chicken thigh.
They should call this National Sunburn Week for all the hot red skin running around. Just about the time of year the winter-whities-eager-for-a-tan, show up and strip down, the sun becomes more directly overhead. The juxtaposition makes for ample pain and suffering, especially now that there’s a lot more skin for the baking in the great new epoch of Ozempic.
It’s good to have a plan that regulates exposure. Since the first day is the riskiest, starting with less than 2 hours of direct sun on day one and then increasing gradually is the ticket to tanning. By the end of the week you can be outside all day without getting burnt. Just in time to slouch back to a cold, sterile cubicle of artificial light and doleful daydreams. Ok, a little dark there Doc, knock it off.
Deep, blistering burns are to be avoided at all costs, not only for the insane pain, but also the increased likelihood of Melanoma, the meanest of skin cancers. The shoulders, sticking out like they do, are the most common site for the black neoplasm to erupt.
Sun also causes the potentially lethal Squamous Cancer and the lesser evil of Basal Cell Carcinoma, formerly known as the Rat Bite Ulcer. It’s not deadly but who wants a non-healing rodent crater on their schnozz. I know I don’t.
On the flip side, there is the uncanny chemical interaction between solar rays and the skin, which together can magically make vitamin D, one of the super heroes of the human biochemical milieu. So, maybe let’s not block out the sun just yet.
Proving once again that everything is relative, our next hazard is only about 1-2 mm small, the size of a grain of sand. Useless factoid: Sand is mostly quartz. There’s also bits of silica, mica, feldspar and magnetite, none of which belongs in your eyeball. This may cause one of the most uncomfortable conditions you can get, the heinous entity known as Corneal Abrasion.
This is the bi-polar opposite of a good time. The grain is a figurative boulder for all the discomfort it creates. The cornea is the protective cap for the eye that does not take kindly to being scratched. It’s those pesky nerve endings I’m guessing.
Should you experience the abrasion misfortune, lay back, stay calm, flush the eye with water or sterile saline and resist the powerful urge to rub it, which can worsen it. Artificial tears, ideally chilled, are the shizz-manizzle right about now. The good news is the cornea repairs itself rapidly, typically in 1-2 days. To limit the discomfort, keep the eyelid closed. Good excuse for an eye patch and a parrot, arghh.
By the way, you contact wearers might want to leave them out. Sand under a contact lens is worse than demonic possession and the risk of abrasion is high. You’re better off walking around bumping into things. Except moving cars, of course.
So yeah … dry, fluffy sand, high winds and heavy traffic are the perfect setup for the ocular scratch. One way to gauge the risk is with your teeth. At the first bite of grit, it may be time to boogie off the beach and rinse with cold cerveza, the universal solution for all things gritty.
Hope y’all find this helpful. If so, please leave a comment. It keeps me from thinking I’m typing to myself, which is one step from talking to myself, which is one step from talking to myself in a soft room. For the record, I’m not crazy, my mother had me tested.
Stay tuned for the next installment of beachy preaching, when we focus on poisonous spines, razor sharp teeth, angry snapping claws and venomous tentacles. Hey, let’s go swimming!
~~ j ~~
“There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.” ~~ Jerry Seinfeld
